Finding Courage
by Katuriin
Summary: Kurt's fine. He knows he's fine. That's what he's told everyone. Burt. The doctor. Even Blaine and his fellow Glee-mates when he's had to take extra breaks during rehearsal. He's fine. That's what he keeps telling himself.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR THE CHARACTERS. ONLY THIS PLOT.**

This first chapter doesn't have much Klaine in it, it's more of an intro than anything, but I hope you enjoy it. Please review. Thanks.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat uncomfortably in a plastic wait room chair, looking from his father, to the needlessly bubbly receptionist, to the clock. He had been there for a good hour past when his appointment was suppose to be and he was past impatient. Impatient went out the window about forty-five minutes ago.<p>

He then looked down at his phone with a frown, almost as if looking at it again would make him get service. Why was it that in every waiting room, your phone refused to get reception? But, he had told Blaine where he was.

Well, what he had told Blaine was that he was going in for a regular check-up. When, really, the regular check-up had been a few trips back when he told Blaine he was accompanying his father to a check-up. It had started that way- he rode with Burt to his check-up. Then, while there, Burt decided Kurt should get looked at as well. Kurt had been complaining here and there about not feeling well. About feeling tired. And Burt had been concerned- his son was appearing to lose weight, but when he asked Kurt about it, he just said it was because of the fact that they had been dancing more in Glee. Then, a check-up turned into a follow up visit (which he told Blaine he was driving Finn to a check-up) and that turned into tests and then today.

Kurt looked down at his arm. He had noticed he had been a little paler than usual, but it didn't seem like a big deal to him. It was winter, after all. But what caught his eye was a purple bruise that lingered under his sleeve. The bruise had been on there for weeks, and it was from simply running into the door when trying to leave the bathroom after a shower. He then shook his head- it was nothing. When was the doctor going to show up and tell him he was fine so he could go home and not worry about this anymore?

Then, a nurse opened one swinging door, looked at the occupants of the waiting room, and then called out "Kurt Hummel." Kurt stood slowly and everyone looked at him. Where they staring at him because he was standing? Or where they staring at him because he was dressed so extravagantly for a male? It didn't matter, he could finally get his test results (of course telling him nothing was wrong- like he knew) and leave.

He looked to his father for a moment. His father would follow him if asked to, but Kurt didn't. He wouldn't need him just to hear that there was nothing wrong with him. Then, with out speaking, he followed the nurse into the halls. He followed her silently until she stopped and pointed to a room saying, "The doctor will be here soon."

Kurt went inside the small room and pulled himself onto the usual seat/bed that had the paper laid out on it, his feet dangling right above the ground. It had taken more effort than he liked to admit to pull himself up there. He looked around the obnoxiously bright room as he waited, reading the degrees that the doctor had proudly displayed on the wall. He ignored the lump in his throat as he read 'Oncologist'. He didn't need an oncologist. He was fine. Just fine. Like he assured himself…. The doctor… his father… and even Blaine and his Glee-mates when he had to take more breaks than usual during rehearsal.

Kurt chewed on his lip gently as he waited in the quiet room until the door opening broke the silence and the gray-haired doctor entering with a tan colored folder in his hand. The doctor, a solemn look on his face, a look that delivered far too much bad new, sat in the rolling chair beside the shelf like desk that stuck out from the wall.

"You're not a child," the doctor started, "So I'm not going to treat you like one. I'm not going to beat around the bush. Kurt," he took a breath of hesitation. That moment of hesitation seemed like years to Kurt. Despite the fact that he knew he was fine, his worry was getting the best of him. If he knew he was fine, why was his heart racing? Why were his hands shaking? Why was something eating at him inside? "You have Leukemia."


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the characters, only this plot. **

Thanks SO much for all of the reviews and favorites. I cannot express how happy they make me.

Also, thanks for the reminder. I meant to put in the last chapter where in the series this takes place. This does take place after 3x05 (The First Time).

This is as medically accurate as I can get it. I did do research and I have family experience with the disease. I can produce proof and facts if you like.

Please enjoy.

* * *

><p>Kurt's body grew hot and he was no longer aware of the doctor talking to him. He wasn't aware of the tears that grew involuntarily in his eyes, soon slowly and quietly flowing down his pale cheeks. His throat grew dry and his heart dropped to his stomach.<p>

The doctor was saying something about catching it early. Something about several visits before they actually decided on a treatment option. Something about maybe admitting him in a few weeks. But everything fell on deaf ears- Kurt's eyes staring blankly at the tiles below them.

The doctor looked at Kurt for a moment, knowingness dawning on him. He stood slowly and said, "I'll be right back. I'll bring your father in here."

Everything else for Kurt that day went by in a blur, not listening as the doctor explained to Burt everything. Not listening as his father tried to reassure him that he was okay.

He just kept telling himself over and over that this wasn't happening.

As Burt walked into the room after receiving the news, he looked at his distraught son staring into nothingness on the chair. He then looked back to the doctor who seemed to want to explain.

"Kurt seems to be in shock," the doctor told him, "So you can rely this to him later- and I'm sure you want to be informed as well. Kurt has a very common Leukemia. It's called Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. It's wonderful that we caught it this early- we can push it into remission. Also, with it being an Acute Leukemia, we may even be able to get rid of it completely, curing it."

Burt licked his lips that were suddenly dry. "And how would we do that?" he asked, dreading the answer that was to come.

"It is risky in someone as young as him, especially since he's still developing some, but we have hope of remission and even curing it if we begin him on chemotherapy radiation. Of course, we have a few more visits before we even discuss when we're going to do that."

Kurt was sitting on the couch in their home, staring at the TV, but not watching what was on it. Burt would take care of telling Finn and Carole when they came home, but he would also request that Finn keep it to himself because he didn't know if Kurt wanted everyone at school knowing.

Burt sighed and walked over to his son, taking a seat next to him. "You can stay home from school for a while if you like."

"No," Kurt said simply. This was the first he had spoken since they left the doctor's.

Burt sighed once more and nodded. "Okay. And are you wanting everyone to know yet?"

"No," he said again, his voice void of emotion. It was scary, really. Kurt was a very emotional boy- his voice always full of _some _emotion. But now- nothing.

"And Blaine?" Burt asked, raising his eyebrows.

Kurt paused, looking away from the TV to his father, his blue eyes dull. Blaine. His Blaine. The boy he loved. He didn't want to worry him; he wanted to keep everything as normal as possible until it was impossible to keep it from him. "No."

That night, in the shower, Kurt looked down at himself. There were purple blotches on spots on his chest and his legs- but luckily nowhere that would be obvious to on lookers.

His legs grew weak beneath him so he so down, pulling his legs up to his chest and dropping his head, the hot water hitting his bare back as he allowed himself to cry, feeling weak and helpless for the first time in his life- having no one to turn to.

The next day at school, Kurt looked around the halls as he walked the usual walk to his locker. He felt like everyone was eying him down- even though they didn't know. He felt like they did. They were all judging him. The _sickly _boy. Kurt swallowed as he arrived at his locker, opening it and grabbing a few books. When he closed his locker, Blaine was standing there smiling back at him.

Kurt couldn't help it as a smile spread across his face as well looking to his boyfriend He gave a small chuckle, looking over Blaine's outfit. He wore a purple bow tie. "Just can't shake the bowtie look, can you?" he teased, pulling at it gently.

Blaine frowned for a moment, "I like bowties. Bowties are cool."

Kurt laughed, patting his shoulder, "Yes, yes. Sure they are," Kurt said with a giggle. Everything was going to be okay. He was going to be okay. He had to be- for Blaine.

Mr. Schuester had explained a few days prior that he would be trying out a few numbers from the popular Broadway CATS.

Currently all of the members were standing in a line, taking turns singing parts of songs.

Finn eyed his stepbrother with concern, but he had not said anything to him about what Burt had told him and his mother.

Will scanned the score list, looking for the next song. "Alright," he said with a smile from his place sitting on the piano stool. "We're going to try _Memory. _Kurt. Rachel. I want to hear you both in parts of it since it fits your vocal range. Rachel first," he said, and then continued to tell him what measure he wanted them to switch.

Blaine stood on the right side of Kurt, smiling over at him, excited to hear him sing, and Rachel stood to his left and gave him a small nod and a smile, obviously pleased with Mr. Schuester's request. She loved flaunting her range even if it was in the choir room with just her Glee-mates.

Kurt them began to feel slightly lightheaded, as Rachel was singing and his body grew intensely warm- hot even. He felt feverish. He tried to push the feeling away as the piano played and his part grew closer, but his legs were starting to become unsteady. No one was noticing, though, since their eyes were on Rachel.

Kurt had already sung quite a bit that day with the group and solo, but no one seemed to notice that his voice wasn't up to his usual par.

Rachel's singing stopped and everyone turned to Kurt as his part approached. But he didn't start on time. His face was paling as his eyes dulled.

Will frowned, "Kurt?" he asked, slowing on the piano playing, "Aren't you going to sing?" Kurt faltered in his balance, Blaine suddenly reaching out for him, grabbing his shoulder to steady him, concern in his brown eyes. Will then stood quickly, taking a few steps closer to the boy. "Kurt?"

The sheet music feel from Kurt's hands to the floor as he followed suit and his legs collapsed beneath him and he fell the carpet, unconscious before he hit the ground. Blaine looked at his motionless body on the ground helplessly, hand outstretched.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. Just the plot.**

I do apologize for the wait and the slight shortness of this chapter. I do have some good stuff planned for the plot, I promise. And, also, I was reading through my last two chapters and they seem very sloppy and I have words messed up and everything. So I want to apologize for that as well.

Enjoy this chapter and please review! Thanks so much for all of the reviews you've already given me and the favorites. I love you all.

* * *

><p>Kurt woke, blinding light seeping through his closed eyelids. Even without opening his eyes he could tell the room he was in now was much brighter than the choir room. It took him merely seconds to realize where he was. The sounds. The smells. He didn't need to open his eyes to know. The distinct smell of antiseptics. The steady beeping that was beeping in time with his heart. He opened his eyes a slit, his eyelids feeling heavy.<p>

He gave a tiny groan, lifting his hands to rub his eyes. He felt a little resistance on his hand and he opened his eyes further to look. The resistance was the pull of the IV tube that was woven into a vein in his hand. He lifted the hand that didn't have the needle in it to his hair, running his hand down it. He didn't feel the usual feeling of hairspray; instead his hair was flat against his head, hair draped on his forehead.

"Kurt?" he heard. Kurt's heart fell. He knew the voice immediately. This isn't how he wanted him to find out. This wasn't how he wanted anyone to find out.

Kurt's eyes flickered from his hand to the boy who now stood next to his bed. It was apparent that Blaine had been sitting in the recliner next to the bed because it was still open. It looked as if he had just leaped out of it instead of closing it to get out. "Blaine?" he asked, his voice coming out slightly hoarse. When he spotted the brunette boy, his eyes fell, looking away from him.

Blaine looked down at his boyfriend. He looked very different than he usually did. No hairspray. No designer clothes. No layers. He was just Kurt stripped to his core- and he looked frightened.

The hospital attire he was wearing put his still remaining bruise on display for Blaine to see. It was now a greenish color. The hospital gown also fell slightly low on Kurt's tiny body, exposing his pale collarbones.

"You know now, don't you?" Kurt asked, sitting up slowly, staring down at the blanket, hands in his lap, his back now exposed from the gown. "Are you going to yell at me now for not telling you? Tell me I was careless for taking on so many songs?"

Blaine gave a heavy sigh, reaching out and taking one of Kurt's hands, being careful of the needle that invaded Kurt's hand. "No," he said gently. "I do want to know _why _you didn't tell me, though."

Kurt looked at their hands, then up at Blaine. He wasn't mad at him? "I didn't want to worry you."

Blaine chuckled softly, sitting carefully on the side of Kurt's bed. "Kurt. Don't you think I'm worried now? I want to be able to be here for you, to help you."

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered.

Blaine gave him a warm smile, kissing his forehead. "You're forgiven. And I'll be with you every step of the way, if that's alright with you?"

"I'd like that."

* * *

><p>Kurt had been released from the hospital a few days later and returned to school. But, by now, all of the Glee kids knew. So, Will held off on letting Kurt sing.<p>

"But what about my Christmas solo?" Kurt asked him one day after every left the class, standing beside him at the piano. The Glee club was hosting a charity event that the school was throwing and he was going to sing at it.

William sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Kurt," he said, shaking his head, looking the young boy over. He was _so _young. He didn't deserve to have this happening to him. Will was able to notice differences in him now. His skin was much paler and his cheekbones were more noticeable. "I'm sorry, Kurt," he said simply. "I can't put you in that position."

And the look in his eyes told Kurt that that was the end of it.

* * *

><p>"Chemotherapy?" Kurt gasped out that evening when he went in for another doctor's appointment. "B-but that means…" he looked helplessly at his dad, a hand moving to his hair.<p>

Burt looked away from his son to the tile floor.

"Afterwards you'll feel sick. And tired. And miserable. I'm not going to lie to you both, but it will help, maybe even cure you," the doctor said, looking to them both. "It'll be several radiation treatments over a span of about six or more months. And then, hopefully, we'll begin to see some progress."

Kurt stood so quickly that the plastic chair that he was in fell backwards. "Kurt!" Burt said, but didn't make a move to go after him as he left the room quickly. Burt sighed, "We don't have any options, do we Doctor?"

The doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry. This is the only hope he'd have of getting rid of it."

Kurt was already out of hearing range, walking quickly down the hallway as tears fell down his cheeks. He was heading towards the small family waiting room on that hall. Kurt had convinced his dad to have Blaine come with them, but he had to wait in the waiting room.

Kurt appeared in the doorway of the small room. It only had about five chairs and a small TV with bad reception. Blaine stood when he saw Kurt and smiled, but it quickly faded when he saw Kurt's lip tremble. He walked over to him, pulling him into a tight hug.

Kurt finally let himself go and began to sob into Blaine's shoulder, holding the boy to him. Blaine knew without asking what had been talked about in the doctor's office. "I-I'm scared, Blaine," Kurt said, his voice broken and shaky from the sobs that still escaped him.

Blaine rested his head on Kurt's shoulder, tears rolling down his own cheeks, but one wouldn't know unless they looked at him. "I am too, Kurt…"


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR GLEE. JUST THE PLOT.**

Thanks for continuing with the reviews and thanks for continuing to read.

This chapter was a little difficult for me to type. The little girl you will read about, Darleene, is based on a real person. She wasn't a little girl though, she was my mother. My mother was a strong women. She had had cancer six times before the final time, Leukemia that time (a blood cancer), killed her. I was 8 (which is about the age of the Darleene in my story).

Also, I realized that chemo takes more than "a few months" as previously written in my last chapter, so I changed that part slightly to read "six or more months".

Enjoy. I'm keeping the chapters short so hopefully I can wrote more of them quicker. Enjoy. Please review.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat alone in a small room with five nice armchairs. Words could not express how much he <em>didn't<em> want to be there. Once they called him from the small room he was in, he would be prepped for his first round of chemotherapy. A fear was eating at him inside.

Blaine and Burt sat in the larger waiting room, but only the patients were allowed in this one to await their treatment.

His eyes snapped up as someone else entered the room. It was a young girl. She wore a ball cap that read "Disney World: Where Dreams Come True." When he eyes found Kurt, a huge smile appeared on her face and her blue eyes seemed to light up. She ran over to him, "Hello!" she said in an excited voice.

Kurt could tell that she was sick. _Like him. _He frowned at that thought. The Disney cap was hiding an obviously baldhead. She was skinny and her cheekbones were very prominent, but she looked _happy. _How what that? "You must be new," she said, holding out her small hand. "My name is Darleene Critchfield."

Kurt stared at her for a moment in confusion. It wasn't hard to tell that he was new, since he still had his hair and all. He wasn't looking forward to losing it. Not at all. He took her hand, "Kurt Hummel," he said simply in a soft voice that still reflected his soprano tone. "How can you tell, my hair?" he asked with a small smile, trying to appear less frightened than he actually was. But what Darleene said next let him know that he wasn't doing a very good job.

"No. Well, yes. But, mainly because you look scared to death," she said, pulling her hand away and resting it at her side. _Scared to death. _What a wonderful choice of wording. "And, I've never seen you in here before. This hospital likes to have all of their chemo treatments on the same day. So, for now, it's just you and me. There was another boy… he was really nice but…" she then trailed off, her bright face becoming sad for a moment. "But, you're here now. And we can get better together."

Kurt was envious of the young girl's attitude and strength. He smiled at her, "Yeah."

"Don't be so scared," she then told him, "I've been doing this for five months so far. The treatment itself doesn't hurt." She then thought for a moment. "I saw you come in earlier, who was the boy with you? Was that your brother?"

Kurt shook his head, "No. That's my boyfriend," he said, awaiting her shock. Or surprise. Or disgust. Or anything that usually followed that.

But the young child simply smiled once more, "That's really sweet of him to come with you." Her simple acceptance gave Kurt some hope as he smiled at her. Such a beautiful and innocent young girl didn't deserve what was happening to her- especially with her immense hope and strength.

At that moment, a nurse stepped into the room. She smiled, "I see you've gotten acquainted with Darleene. She's such a sweet child." She looked at Darleene for a moment, and then back to Kurt, "Come on, Kurt."

Kurt's heart dropped and the nausea and fear returned. As he stood, he felt a small hand take his for a moment and he felt a squeeze, "Good luck."

* * *

><p><em>Darleene is very sick, <em>the nurse had told him. _She's been battling this disease for quite a while. She's got a type of brain cancer. But, what's unfortunate is; before getting sick she already had a horrible immune system and the chemo just makes it so much worse. One flu, or cold, and we could easily lose her. But she's strong. So very strong. We're all proud of her. _

Darleene had been right. The treatment itself wasn't painful. But it was scary as hell. He just wanted to go home and curl up forever.

Which is what he was doing now. Blaine had tried to comfort him on the ride home, but Kurt had been distant. His mind was on the little girl… and his own future. He was frightened. So very frightened.

Blaine eventually had to leave; he had to go home. So, this left Kurt all alone in his bed, alone to his thoughts.

* * *

><p>About three mornings later, he woke feeling sick to his stomach. He stood quickly, rushing to his bathroom, collapsing to the floor in time.<p>

The past three days hadn't been too bad- except for the anticipation of when everything was going to hit him. And now he had his answer.

His past three days had been spent on the couch. Mostly watching TV, chatting with Blaine when he came home from school. (Burt didn't want him going back quite yet. Not until they were fully aware of how the chemo was affecting him.) Occasionally Finn would even come and keep him company.

After about twenty minutes, his throat now feeling raw and him feeling disgusting, he then stood, walking to his sink to wash his mouth out. He looked up to the mirror, then stumbled backwards, falling right back to the floor, knocking things off his counter in the process.

Finn looked up suddenly when he heard a loud thud and several other softer thuds. It was coming from Kurt's room.

It was Saturday morning; Burt and Carole were both at work. Blaine was due to come over a little later. _My son's sick, I'm not worried about what the two are going to do behind closed doors, _Burt had said.

Finn laid down his bowl of cereal and rushed upstairs. He saw that Kurt was not in his room, so that meant he was in his bathroom. He began to walk towards his bathroom, but paused, looking to Kurt's bed. His pillow held something laying on it. He took a few steps closer to the bed, and then stopped with a small gasp. "Oh no. Kurt."

He continued into the bathroom, seeing Kurt on the floor sobbing. His knees were pulled up to his chest, head buried in his arms and knees. Finn's heart broke at this image of his brother. He could see spots on his head where hair was now missing. He didn't have a shirt on and he was sweating. Kurt then looked up, his cheeks flushed and pink, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

"Finn…" he choked out past the sobs. Finn then knelt beside his brother, pulling him closer.

"It's okay, Kurt," he whispered, even though he knew Kurt was far from okay. "It's okay. You're going to be okay." Kurt then sobbed into his brother's chest as Finn rubbed his back, concern in his eyes. Finn noted he should probably call Blaine and see if he wouldn't mind coming sooner.

Kurt seemed so torn apart. It was here, holding his brother and comforting him that he noticed how skinny he was becoming, and it tore him apart to know that it was only going to get worse.


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or the characters, just this plot.**

Hey, look. Another chapter in a day. You all must be so proud of me. I don't really have much to say about this chapter, really. I mean, I like it. But, I still have some plans for the story.

Enjoy, and please continue to review. I love reviews. Thanks so much for all of the ones I've gotten so far. I love you all.

* * *

><p>"<em>Blaine, man, you need to get over here now… Dude, Kurt's losing it in the bathroom," Finn had said to Blaine when he answered. "I hear the electric trimmer. Please hurry, Blaine, Kurt's a wreck."<em>

"_I'll be there as soon as I can."_

As soon as he got off the phone with Finn, Blaine was on his way to Kurt's house. He got there, opening the unlocked door, seeing Finn taking a small bag to the trashcan. "Is that…?" Blaine asked, not wanting to finish.

"Only what was on his pillow. I haven't gone back into the bathroom to see him since I called you."

Blaine frowned and then rushed up the stairs, heading straight for Kurt's bathroom. There he stood, the trimmer now sitting lifeless on the counter, the rest of his beautiful brown hair was in the sink. Kurt was simply staring at his reflection, tears rolling down his pale cheeks. He looked broken and lost.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered, reaching out for him. Kurt turned his head, just now aware of Blaine's presence. Blaine now noticed that Kurt was shaking. He looked as if he was about to just collapse over. Blaine stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Kurt. He looked down at him.

"Keep still," he whispered, picking the trimmer off the counter, "You missed some spots." Kurt said nothing, clinging to Blaine the entire time. Blaine was gentle and slow, getting the spots that Kurt missed. He noticed that Kurt gave a sob each time a lock of his hair fell into the sink. Afterwards, Blaine laid the trimmer back on the counter, pulling him closer and lowering them both to the ground.

"Blaine," he whispered, looking up at him through tears. "Am I ugly now?"

Blaine looked at him with warm eyes, "No, Kurt. You're still as beautiful as ever."

Kurt wanted to believe him, he really did. But he saw what he looked like in the mirror. Purple blotches all over his chest. His face was so much thinner than it had been. He _looked _the part now. He pushed himself away from Blaine. "Don't lie to me. I know what I look like."

Blaine shook his head. "Kurt. You're beautiful. You always will be."

More tears rolled down Kurt's cheeks. "Don't lie to me!" he practically yelled, looking at Blaine with eyes full of hurt.

Blaine was silent. He didn't know what to say to Kurt. He didn't like being yelled at- but he knew Kurt was hurting. He was thinking deeply for a moment. He then stood quickly, "You know what… I'm going home. Then we'll see how ugly you feel." Blaine walked out of the room, leaving Kurt to his tears, curled up next to the toilet.

As he ran down the stairs, Finn looked at him with confusion. Blaine paused with a sigh, "I'll be back. I- I have to get something from my house." And with that, Blaine vanished out the door.

About an hour and a half later, the door opened once more. Finn looked up from the couch, seeing Blaine returning wearing a scarf and a toboggan that was pulled down to his ears, hiding his curls. "It's getting cold out," Blaine said simply, "I heard it might snow soon." Blaine then headed up the stairs, cracking open Kurt's door.

Kurt was now curled up on his bed, not even under the covers, still just wearing the pants he wore to bed. Blaine walked over to the bed, sitting down on it next to him, his legs dangling off the edge. "Hey you," he said softly.

Kurt looked up at him with hurting eyes. "I still feel ugly," he said, his voice betraying the tears he had been crying.

Blaine sighed, biting his lip. "Sit up, Kurt." Kurt looked confused, but did so anyway, his head spinning slightly after he did so. "Give me one of your hands." Kurt held out his right hand, it was shaking. Blaine took it in his. "Close your eyes."

"What-why?"

"Just do it. And keep them closed," Blaine replied, his eyes telling him he meant it, but it was still gentle. Kurt sighed, his blue eyes fluttering closed. Blaine hesitated, taking a deep breath. With the hand that wasn't holding Kurt's, he slipped off his toboggan, laying it on the bed next to him. He then raised Kurt's hand to his own head, running it down it.

Kurt's eyes immediately snapped open, saying, "Blaine! You didn't!" But Kurt's eyes now told him that he did. Blaine's curls were now gone and all that remained was skin. Kurt's eyes filled with tears quickly.

"Do you still think you're ugly?" Blaine asked sternly.

Unable to speak past the sobs he was trying to hold back, Kurt shook his head. His bottom lip trembled and Blaine pulled him into him. "I told you, Kurt, I'm going to be here for you through all of this." He leaned over and kissed Kurt's head. "I love you."

"I love you," Kurt choked out, his head buried in Blaine's shirt, clutching onto it. Blaine let him cry for a few minutes, then he remembered something.

"Hey Kurt," he said gently, lifting Kurt's head. "I've got something for you." He leaned over the side of the bed a little, being careful since Kurt was still leaning on him. He pulled out of a small bag he had brought with him another toboggan, one that looked like the one he had come in wearing. Kurt took it in both of his hands, looking up to Blaine. Blaine smiled, replacing his own on his head. "We'll matching," he said brightly. "I know it's not much," he then added, "But… you can accessorize it! Maybe with some of your pins or something."

Kurt couldn't help but smile at him, slipping it on. "Thank you," he said softly, his voice still shaky. "For everything."

Blaine tilted his chin up once more, giving him a warm kiss, then pulled away slowly, meeting his eyes. "I told you- I'm here for you. Through everything. I promised."


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR THE CHARACTERS. JUST THE PLOT.**

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I had classes and then the Starkid concert in Atlanta. I know this chapter is kinda short, but I will start on another as soon as I possibly can! I promise.

Thanks for continuing to review, and enjoy!

* * *

><p>"Are you sure about this, Kurt?" Finn asked, parking his car. This was about three days later and Kurt insisted on coming to school, he had said he didn't want to get behind on his studies or his work. "I'll take you home and be late to first period." Finn looked over to his brother. He was unbelievably pale. He wore the hat that Blaine had given him, three pins clustered on the right side of it. But, he had still managed to slip on his fashionable layers- not that fashion meant anything to Finn.<p>

Kurt looked so tiny and helpless, like if he barely touched him, he would break. "I'm sure, Finn," he said. And with that, he grabbed his bag and got out of the car before Finn could say anything else.

* * *

><p>Sure, people tried to ask Kurt how he was. But, Kurt didn't pay any mind to them.<p>

"What are you doing here?" he heard a voice demand gently. Kurt knew who it was. He turned his head to see Blaine.

"I didn't want to get too far behind in my classes," he said truthfully.

Blaine shook his head. "You're so stubborn." Blaine wasn't wearing his toboggan at that moment; it was instead in his hand. He didn't seem to care about the people staring at him. But, when he stood with Kurt, everyone understood. It still ached Kurt's heart to see Blaine's curls gone. Blaine chuckled when he saw Kurt staring at his head. He ran a hand over it, "Stop fretting, Kurt. It'll grow back."

Kurt dropped his eyes. He had hardly walked anywhere that day and he was already feeling tired. Only the whole day left to go.

* * *

><p>Sitting in Glee class, Mr. Schue was trying out some new songs. "Okay," he said, looking down at the next score. "Who wants to try and tackle <em>Angel <em>by Sarah McLachlan?" he asked.

Kurt saw Rachel slip up her hand, of course. Kurt gave a heavy sigh, putting his hand in the air for the third time today. Mr. Schue frowned, laying down the music. "Kurt," he said, causing Blaine to look over at him to and whispered '_Stubborn'. _Will continued, "Kurt, I can't allow you to sing. Remember what happened last time? Kurt, you're sick."

Kurt felt anger bubble inside of him as he stood quickly, causing Tina in front of him to jump. "Don't you think I know that?" he yelled, everyone looking to him. His voice was shaky as he was yelling, but still had some strength to it from his anger. He pulled his hat off, "I just want everything to be normal again. I want to not feel sick and _shitty _every morning when I wake up. I don't want to be this skinny anymore. I don't want to look like this. I want to be healthy." Then his voice softened. "And I want to sing."

Mr. Schue sighed, rubbing his eyes. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy.

Blaine stood beside a now panting and shaking Kurt, taking his hand.

Mr. Schue gave it much thought, but said finally, "Fine, Kurt. But- this is the only one today. And… be careful."

Kurt smiled, slipping back on his toboggan. Blaine shook his head, knowing that this was a horrible idea, but he didn't voice it. He just worried as Kurt stood at the front of the room, readying himself as the intro played on the piano.

Blaine, along with the rest of the Glee kids, seemed to hold their breath.

"_Spend all your time waiting for that second chance," _his voice sounded similar to the way it usually did, but it shook dangerously due to the long-winded verses. Kurt tried to ignore it and continue, _"…for a break that would make it okay. There's always some reason to feel not good enough. And it's hard at the end of the day." _He was struggling to keep his voice even. But he had to do this- had to finish it. He had to be able to sing. He didn't want to wait until he was no longer sick- that would be months. _"I need some distraction. Oh, a beautiful release... memories seep from my veins." _

Hearing Kurt struggle and stumble so much was breaking Blaine's heart. He looked around the room, and it seemed to have the same effect on the others. He looked tired. Breathless. This was too much for him and he knew it.

"_Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight." _Kurt took a deep, shuttering breath, trying to hold the song together, but he was failing and he felt it. His lungs burned. _"In the arms of the angels…" _as he tried to hit the right scale down on 'angel', his voice cracked from the lack of air, unable to hold onto the note. He dropped his head, no longer singing the words.

The music stopped as Mr. Schue stood. Kurt's bottom lip trembled. "I can't sing," he choked out, a few tears escaping. "I can't hold the notes… and… I just can't do it." His lungs burned horribly, he knew he shouldn't have attempted what he had, but he had to try. Mr. Schue laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed a little, but then let it fall as Blaine stepped beside him and pulled in close to him as Kurt stood there, crying in front of the whole class, holding to Blaine and he rubbed his back, looking up at a concerned William.

But, every student sitting there watching him with a hurting heart, knew that he was stronger than they were. It would've been hard to stand up there and try and sing in the first place.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. JUST THE PLOT.**

Okay guys. I wanna say sorry for updating in a while, but I've been busy with work and school and moving. I haven't really fully moved yet, but I finally got around to writing some. I will have the next chapter in the works soon, I will have a friend helping me.

The song in this chapter is 'My Grown Up Christmas List' by Kelly Clarkson (or Amy Grant. Whichever you prefer).

Enjoy! And thank you for all of the kind reviews. I will not give up on this, I promise.

* * *

><p>"Are you <em>sure <em>you're okay with me having your solo?" Blaine asked Kurt a few weeks later at the Christmas charity event.

Kurt laughed as they got out of the car. Blaine had gone almost to the point of tying Kurt to a chair to keep him from coming since the event was outside and it was practically snowing, but Kurt wouldn't take no-for-answer. He was bundled up tightly and his father was at his side, just in case. Blaine also wore a cap, the same one that matched Kurt's. Blaine's brown hair was growing back a little, but it was mainly just peach fuzz. "Blaine, it's fine," he told him with a smile, "Besides, isn't it a little late to back out now?"

Blaine smile back with a small nod, "I don't think Mr. Schue would be too happy if I did." He gave Kurt a small hug and he then went to the stage to get ready for his part of the performance.

Kurt was sitting near the front of the stage at a round table with his dad and Mr. Schue. Most of the Glee kids were there, but at the table next to him. He gave a wide smile as his brown-eyed beauty walked onto the stage, looking down to Kurt for a moment, then back up to the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen! We have a treat for you today! From our hosting school, McKinley High, we have a soloist from their glee club New Directions here to sing for us. Let's give him a warm welcome," the blonde lady at the microphone said with a pearly smile, clapping herself as she handed off the microphone and walked off stage as the pianist began to play.

Blaine gave a nod of thanks to the clapping guests before he began. _"Do you remember me? I sat upon your knee. I wrote to you with childhood fantasies." _Blaine turned towards the dressed up Santa for effect for all of the young kids in the audience, and there was a good number of them. Most of them were there because some of the charity money would be going to them for whatever illness they had. "_Well I'm all grown up now and still help somehow. I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream." _As Blaine sung, out of the corner of his eye he saw a young child bounding towards him. _"So here's my life long wish, my grown up Christmas list. Not for myself, but for a world in need." _

He turned, then smiled a little when he saw familiar blue eyes and brown hair. "Darleene!" he said with a smile as she pulled up a chair next to him, "What are you doing here? It's freezing, you could get sick."

Darleene giggled as a soft drum began to play while Blaine continued to sing. _"No more lives torn apart. That was would never start…"_

Darleene poked his nose with another lively giggle. "So could you, Kurtie," she said with her innocent child-like smile. Kurt rolled his eyes. The last few times he had seen her at the hospital she had adopted calling him that, and nothing he could say would stop her. "My mom's getting some of the money raised today to pay for my treatment." She then turned her head to look at Blaine. "He's good, isn't he?"

"…_and time would heal all hearts. Everyone would have a friend. And right would always win. And love would never end. This is my grown up Christmas list." _At this point, Blaine was once again singing to the audience.

Kurt smiled, looking up at Blaine. "He is," he said.

Darleene gave a look of knowing, "That's him, isn't it? Your boyfriend? I remember him now, he came with you to the hospital a few times."

Kurt nodded as he watched Blaine crouch on the stage, looking down at a group of children that were gathered in front of the stage. _"As children we believe the grandest sight to see is something lovely wrapped beneath a tree…" _He stood again, his eyes drifting to Kurt for a moment, _"But heaven only knows that packages and bows can never heal a hurting human soul." _It was like Blaine was staring into his soul when he looked at him. It had been a rough few weeks for Kurt. Mr. Schue refused to let him try and sing again, so he was stuck just watching during Glee class.

"_No more lives torn apart. That was would never start and time would heal all hearts. And everyone would have a friend. And right would always win. And love would never end. This is my grown up Christmas list." _Blaine then scanned the audience as he went into the bridge, raising his volume only slightly, _"What is this illusion called 'the innocence of youth'? Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever see the truth."_

Blaine then proceeded to finish with singing the chorus powerfully one more time. Everyone clapped loudly, some standing. Kurt was among the clapping, smiling proudly up at Blaine.

After everyone was silent, Blaine spoke, "Thank you for your kind applause, but… it was someone else who should've been singing…" he held a hand out to Kurt as if asking him to come up on stage. Kurt looked at him in confusion. Darleene gave him a gentle push. Blaine stepped off the stage for a moment, taking Kurt's hand and leading him on the stage. "This is Kurt Hummel, everyone. He was supposed to be the one amazing you with his singing. But, unfortunately, he was diagnosed with leukemia." Kurt looked down as Blaine intertwined their fingers in front of everyone. "I want you all to know how amazing Kurt is and keep him in your thoughts- prayers even if that's your thing." Blaine gave a short nod and looked to Kurt with a smile who was slightly pink from Blaine speaking of him in front of everyone.

As Kurt came off the stage as Blaine went off stage to hand off the microphone, several people came up to him to speak with him. Give him words of courage. Tell him how brave he was. But, Kurt didn't think he'd have any bravery if it wasn't for the people in his life, like Blaine, or even the child Darleene.


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE. JUST THIS STORY**

I do apologize for the long delay in an update. My friend wrote this chapter for me, along with very _very _minor tweaking for me. You'd have to squint to see it. My chapters, as you know, are usually short so that I can write more and give you updates quicker. This chapter is longer than my normal, which is why my friend took so long. So, this long chapter is your reward for waiting so long.

This chapter would've been far too difficult for me to write myself since, as you all know, Darleene was based off of my mother.

I will try and work on the next chapter after work tomorrow.

SPECIAL THANKS TO BEHAPPYYOUAREBEAUTIFUL (tumblr) FOR WRITING THIS CHAPTER FOR ME!

* * *

><p>It was the Monday after the performance when Kurt was walking into the hospital for another round of Chemo. He strolled into the familiar hospital room before signing in. There was a soft smile as he heard the woman behind the counter tell him a 'good morning'. Kurt was settling down with the idea of having to have this Chemo, but in no way was he ever going to enjoy the immediate aftermath – no singing and no hair? No. He still had two people there for him that were his priority and always would be there. Though, as the other teen took a seat next to him, Kurt's blue eyes were scanning the room for a little girl that he normally saw when he came in for his routine Chemotherapy. A slight pang of worry flared into Kurt as he thought about why Darleene wasn't present. Maybe she was simply scheduled on another day or hour, or maybe she was in the back already. Kurt released a breath as he thought about this and gently adjusted the toboggan on his head. It took only a few minutes for him to be allowed to the back room where he would be given his treatment for the day. As he was shown to a chair, Kurt glanced around. Once more he didn't see Darleene.<p>

After his Chemo, Kurt lingered in the waiting room for a moment and decided to ask about Darleene. This was going against Blaine's wanting to get him home so they could watch RENT or The Sound of Music or, as it was after most treatments, sleeping. However, it took only a matter of moments for Kurt to finally walk up to the counter and find out what he wanted to know. "Excuse me," He said softly as he woman who had greeted him earlier was still sitting there. A soft smile graced her lips as she waited to hear what Kurt had to say. "I was wondering where the little girl, Darleene, is? We're normally scheduled at the same time for our Chemo." The woman's smile faltered as the news was released to Kurt. She was in the hospital? Kurt's eyes widened slightly as he looked at the woman. A cold? He remembered what the other nurse had said after the first time he had met Darleene.

_'One flu or cold, and we could easily lose her.'_

Kurt swallowed a lump in his throat before nodding, "Thank you," he mumbled out softly after getting her room number written down on a piece of paper. He adjusted the bag on his shoulder as he looked at the room number silently. He took a breath softly and looked over towards Blaine who had been waiting for him by the door. A look of concern was also on his face having heard the whole scenario. Kurt wasn't feeling well at the moment, but he needed to see Darleene and if Blaine wouldn't take him then he would be returning by himself. She was his little beacon of hope. If she was able to make it through what she was going through, then he could do it as well. Blaine shaving his head, his fellow glee club members supporting him, it was all nice and comforting, but to be able to look at someone half his age who was going to something very similar was the comfort he needed. She was stronger than he ever would be even though she was younger than him. It only showed that age didn't matter. In many ways, she held more than enough respect by Kurt.

"We need to go to the main hospital." Kurt declared as they made their way out of the building. The main building was about a block or two away. Blaine knew Kurt would be seeing her no matter what his opinion was on visiting her after his treatment. "I'll go get the car, stay warm." He moved and squeezed Kurt's hand before walking off towards the parking lot. It only left Kurt sitting right inside of the door with his hands folded over his crossed legs as he sat there.

Once his Navigator was parked along the curb, Kurt moved and slipped into the passenger seat carefully. The two made eye-contact for a moment before Blaine seemed to fully understand Kurt's discomfort about the situation. "She'll be okay," He mumbled, his eyes almost pleading for his words to be true. "We'll go see her and find out that she's going to be released tomorrow or sometime this week." Kurt seemed almost too nervous as he moved and played with the corner of the scarf that was wrapped around his neck loosely as he barely nodded to Blaine's comment. There was a relentless unease quivering in his stomach as Blaine drove them, even though Blaine's words seemed to have soothed him mentally, the words didn't do anything to him physically. There were still butterflies fluttering around his stomach as he sat in the seat. Blaine pulled up to the curb and stopped the car. "I'll be inside in a moment." He stated looking at Kurt. His sentence only received a small nod from the worried teenager as he walked silently inside to speak to the elderly woman sitting behind the counter with a security officer sitting right next to her. Kurt had to explain why he was there and why he would be seeing Darleene. He also needed to explain why Blaine would be accompanying him when they weren't related. It was slightly humiliating to be forced to explain how he and Darleene had met before finally receiving the room number and an ID tag for both him and Blaine. Kurt was still recovering from the idea of letting people know that he was ill. It was obvious with his paling skin and bald head, but he still had his self-esteem he needed to get past. He also didn't want their sympathy; there were plenty of ill people who actually needed the sympathy more than he did.

Blaine smiled as he was handed the ID tag and placed the sticky piece of paper to his jacket silently before crumpling the remaining paper to toss away. Kurt on the other hand was still slightly humiliated and annoyed by all of his explaining. He merely pulled off the paper and stuck it onto his shirt with a slight frown as he was thinking about how it would ruin his top. He tossed away the paper before walking with Blaine towards the elevator still feeling the eyes of the people behind him on the both of them. He didn't care; he held his head up high as they walked into the elevator. He didn't need their accusing eyes as they saw the interaction between Blaine and Kurt. Blaine's hand gently touching Kurt's back to let the other into the elevator first, Kurt's head slightly turning to thank Blaine for letting him into the elevator first. Then Blaine taking his hand right before the door closed.

The ride up to the fifth floor felt like it took hours. He was desperately clinging onto Blaine's hand for the time they were in the elevator. He was trying to ignore the fact that he knew people could see them because of the security camera in the elevator, but he did eventually release the other's hand as the doors opened. Blaine stood there for a moment watching as Kurt walked out of the elevator quickly. Blaine walked quickly; he was almost skipping a step or two just to catch up so he could be walking next to Kurt as the teen walked through the halls looking at each of the door to see their room number. Eventually they turned a corner and saw a room with the number on it. 525. He glanced over his shoulder to see that Blaine was right behind him. This was the only hesitation that it took for Kurt to turn into the room.

As the blue eyes took in the scene that was so familiar to how it was when his father was here. He soon met the eyes that belonged to Darleene. Kurt smiled softly and his shoulders relaxed as the girl smiled at him. Blaine's arm soon gently went around Kurt and hugged him slightly. "Hi Kurt!" Darleene said sitting up slightly seeing the teenager. "What are you doing here?" She asked curiously the only people who had visited her today was her parents and the only reason they weren't there at the moment was because her mother needed food and her father had to go to work.

"I heard that you were sick and I wanted to come over and say hello." Kurt replied with a soft smile as he leaned into Blaine slightly feeling the effects of his Chemo finally hitting home base and making him feel like he needed to sleep. Blaine simply nodded before stepping to the side murmuring something about how Kurt should sit down after his Chemo. Kurt nodded agreeing with what Blaine was saying before letting Blaine pull up a chair close to Darleene's bed so they could speak to each other. Blaine moved and pulled up the other chair next to Kurt's so the two teens were sitting next to each other looking at the girl who was connected to all of the machines. Blaine felt slightly out of place sitting there because he had never spoken to Darleene before, but it was nice to see Kurt actually happy to see someone once more. Ever since the incident at glee practice Kurt seemed to have lost a spark to him that made his eyes light up, it was back when he was speaking to this girl.

Darleene moved slightly and looked over at Blaine with a slight smile before looking back at Kurt, "Thank you for coming." She said softly slightly embarrassed that the two were taking time to come and see her.

"Don't worry about it; we just wanted to know that you're okay." Blaine said as he looked at the girl resting in the bed. His words earned a smile from Kurt who nodded along.

It didn't take long for the three of them to be playing a game around the little table that was available. Darleene laughed softly as Kurt grumbled about not getting the card he needed before she started coughing. Her eyes were watering from the efforts but she quickly grabbed a tissue before wiping her eyes and blowing her nose in a clean tissue before throwing both of them away. She looked up and soon saw the two teenagers looking at her with worried eyes. "I'm fine," She said softly before yawning. It was the this moment Blaine picked up the cards and put them away before looking at the girl then at Kurt.

"Why don't Kurt and I go and get some food and then we can come back in a few hours to see you again, Darleene?" He asked looking back at Darleene. Both Blaine and Kurt were noticing how the girl was starting to become tired from playing card and talking with them. Kurt nodded and looked at Darleene, the girl just smiled slightly and nodded.

Kurt stood up after a moment and looked over at Darleene who was starting to snuggle into the blankets that she had around her. "We'll be back in about four or five hours. Okay? If you're asleep we'll just leave a note and return after school tomorrow."

Darleene gave a sleepy smile before nodding. Kurt was still close enough so that she could reach out and grab his hand with her small, fragile one. His breath caught in his throat for a moment as she squeezed very lightly. He was aware that that was probably the limit of her strength. "Thank you for visiting." She said softly as she snuggled close to a stuffed animal that she was holding. It was even before Kurt and Blaine were leaving the room when she was fast asleep. Kurt walked out of the room first as Blaine stepped out behind him silently glancing over his shoulder to see the little girl was already asleep.

The two made their way back to the Hummel's residence where Blaine went into the kitchen to get some food for both he and Kurt while Kurt went to the living room was to find a movie they could watch, and he could fall asleep to, before putting it into the DVD player and walking towards the kitchen to aid Blaine in getting some food. They ended up walked back out of the kitchen both holding a cup of soup. Kurt silently sipped on his before setting it down on a table to pull off his boots and his socks that he would put on later when they left the house to return to visiting Darleene later in the day. Kurt looked over and saw that Blaine had done the same thing and his shoes were now settled next to the couch. Soon the two were seated next to each other watching the movie and sipping on their warm soup.

An hour later Blaine was sitting on the couch watching the movie as Kurt's head was limp against his shoulder as he slept. Blaine glanced towards the clock and sighed as he looked back towards the television to finish watching to movie before he woke Kurt up so they could return to Darlene and pay her another visit like Kurt seemed to want. He had enjoyed spending the time with Darleene and Kurt in the afternoon.  
>However, Blaine didn't have to wake Kurt up as he other started to wake up when the movie was almost over. Blaine took a breath and looked down towards Kurt as the teenager was waking up. "We have to go." Kurt mumbled out as he started to wake up and subconsciously moved his hand to his head to adjust his hair. There was a silently moment as Kurt swallowed and looked towards the television as he composed his thoughts before standing up to put away the empty mugs before pulling on his boots once more. Blaine sat there silently for a moment as he watched Kurt walk off towards the Kitchen. He moved and quickly pulled on his shoes once more before standing up and walking over towards Kurt to pull him into a hug. "Things will get better. You'll get better." He whispered, "It's curable and it will grow back." Kurt nodded slightly before taking a deep breath and gently pulling away.<p>

"Let's go see Darlene. Then get you home." Kurt said softly as he looked at Blaine. Kurt moved and pulled on his socks and boots once more before grabbing his coat and scarf to pull it one while Blaine did the same.

Soon the two were standing in the elevator once more waiting for the familiar ding and the doors to open. Kurt walked with Blaine silently, when they turned the corner both of them had a soft smile on their face. However, the scene they were faced with wasn't what it had been only a few hours earlier. Kurt stepped up and Blaine grabbed his hand. There was a woman sobbing into a man's shoulder and the man was crying as well. Kurt looked over and saw that Darleene's door was close and people were shuffling about inside. Kurt glanced over towards the heart monitor. "Oh my god." He whispered softly as realization set in on what was going. His eyes were wide as the blue orbs looked over towards Blaine.

"I'm sorry sir and ma'am, but your daughter, Darleene, is no longer with us." A doctor said to the couple who was crying not far away from them.


	9. Letter to Readers

Dear Readers,

I'm sorry that I have not put up a new chapter in months. I have gone totally and completely blank on this story. I think I was taking it somewhere, but I do not remember. I do, however, want to finish it. If you have any ideas what so ever that can help get this story back on it's feet, you can message me on my tumblr: captainoftherogueshipship.

I say all this because lately, for some reason, I have had a boom in favorites, subscriptions, and reviews to this story and I really do want to update it. But all I do is open a blank document and stare.

When I do write a new chapter, I will replace this note with it.

Thanks,

Lucyyluu


End file.
